Husbands and Wives
A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”
He replied, “They had avocados.”
Water in the carburetor
WIFE: “There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous ”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?
WIFE: “In the pool”
HE MUST PAY
Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”
Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.
Today’s Short Reading from the Bible...
From Genesis: “And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth.”
Then He made the earth round…and He laughed and laughed and laughed!….
In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,
who was now living in the United States , and said:
Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans.
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start
the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.
Six months later,
the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard –
but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, ‘but things have changed.
I needed a building permit.
I’ve been arguing with the inspector
about the need for a sprinkler system.
My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the neighborhood zoning laws
by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions,to clear the passage for the Ark ‘s move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals,
an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued the accommodations were too restrictive,
and it was cruel and inhumane
to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.
The trades unions say I can’t use my sons.
They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,
claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years
for me to finish this Ark.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
‘You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?’
‘No,’ said the Lord.
‘The government beat me to it.
EUCHARISTOOMEN POLYDOORE EKS OOKEANIA,DIONYSIE ITALIOOTA TE